Self-Acceptance: Don't Leave Home without It!

I was talking to a friend who was having trouble opening up and being her true authentic self. She was afraid to be raw and vulnerable because of what people might say or think. She has faced traumas and abuse throughout her life that would send some past the point of no return. But not this girl! She is tough and resilient.

I was honored she felt comfortable enough to share her concerns with me as I could relate to her fears and hesitations. On multiple occasions, I have told her to practice more self-love, be kind to herself, and put herself first, but it never felt like I was giving her enough information.

While contemplating her words, “I just want to be free to be myself,” I realized what piece of advice I had failed to give her. It was self-acceptance. How could she be ok with putting herself out there if she had not accepted herself first?

When it comes to our loved ones, we don’t have to like or even agree with their thoughts, beliefs, actions, or ways of life, but we choose to accept them for who they are without judgment. The same should be true when it comes to loving ourselves.

When we get married, the standard vows are, “Do you take husband/wife to have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish from this day forward?” We willingly and lovingly agree to these vows for our spouse, but we don’t always allow ourselves the same love, compassion, and respect. For some reason, we think those feelings must come from someone to us and not from us to us.

Self-acceptance does not mean loving everything about ourselves. It means loving ourselves despite the things we don’t like. It’s the same unconditional love we give our family.

What do we do about the things we don’t like?

If we can’t change the things we don’t like, we change our mindset about those things. Ask yourself why you don’t like that particular thing about yourself? Is it because somebody pointed it out or made fun of you? Beauty, especially for women, is subjective, and it changes over time. Unpack all the reasons you don’t like that particular thing and see how much has actually come from you. You may be surprised when you realize that you dislike things about yourself because you are looking through someone else's filter.

So, how does this apply to my friend?

When your abuser calls you crazy, tells you that you are overreacting, and turns everything around on you, you start to question yourself and your judgment. You begin to consider that your abuser may be right and eventually start believing those things about yourself.

Even after leaving that toxic environment, the damage has already been done. Those thoughts and beliefs stay with you, acting as a mold for future interactions with people. To avoid being called a crazy, overreacting bitch, you “behave” accordingly. You become so focused on what not to do, say, and be that you lose yourself.

It’s like being lost deep in the forest for so long that you’re not even sure of your destination, let alone how to get there. And what will people think when they see the real you for the first time? The re-birth process is inherently scary but accepting all of yourself makes the ride a little less bumpy.

Self-acceptance means learning to be ok when people don’t accept you. It means not giving your power away to those who criticize you. It means being proud of who you are at your core because that is who you were meant to be.

Feeling free to be yourself without self-acceptance is like building a house on a styrofoam foundation; between the weight of the material and exposure to the elements, it’s going to crumble. Go back to the basics and build a strong foundation to grow mentally, physically, and spiritually. And if you do decide to change anything about yourself, do it because you want to, not because of someone’s opinion, or because it doesn’t measure up to Hollywood’s standards.

Reclaim your power, Reframe your experiences, and Redefine limiting beliefs.